Difficult Questions:

Q: Reg, I've heard that a medical peculiarity compels you to wear hats with ear-flaps in the winter?

A: Reg - Yes, that's true. My brain is so large that it's pressing right up against my earholes, so the slightest breeze can give me a nasty head cold. Most people have a layer of fat and gristle with a piece of woolly blanket encased in it surrounding their brain, so they only need warm hats in the very coldest of weathers.

Q: What materials would you use if you were going to tart up your house for the Olympic visitors in the year two thousand?

A: Peter - Brick cladding and decramastic tiles. Decramastic tiles are particularly beautiful because the little red stones glued to the metal tiles glisten in the afternoon sun, filling most people with a spiritual longing that sends them straight to the church for a bout of hysterical and tear-stained worship.

Q: Musicians and artists are supposed to possess 'soul' if they're any good and apparently receive divine inspiration in the course of producing their work. Do you have any knowledge of this type of divine intervention?

A: Reg - Not specifically, although I once caught a glimpse of a wispy soul-like substance floating in the corner of my bedroom, but it may well have been a piece of fluff catching the light. Apparently there are priests who specialize in the measurement and elevation of souls, and they generally agree that they are very light - far lighter than an atomic nucleus for instance, and very difficult to isolate and study with any great degree of accuracy. Interestingly enough, a German theologian recently claimed that the divine spirit is in fact a Quantum force field as yet undiscovered by scientists. So in order to access divine inspiration artists and musicians may need to take advanced tertiary courses in Science and mathematics.

Q: It must be hard getting up on a stage and performing night after night. Do you ever get nervous?

A: Peter - Not at all. Fortunately, I have been blessed with a very large and healthy ego. In fact, it's about the same size and consistency as a bullock's liver. The last time I took it out to admire it, I foolishly left it lying on the kitchen table unattended and the cat helped itself to a portion - but it doesn't appear to have affected it in any way because I'm just as confident as ever.

Q: What are some of the highlights of your many years touring?

A: Reg - Getting to ride in the cab of a semi trailer most definitely. A kindly driver on the road crew allowed me to sit in his truck, and sensing my enthusiasm and excitement he agreed to take me for a ride. It was an unsurpassable experience. It's not just the powerful engine and lording it over the other traffic that causes elation - you achieve a keener spiritual awareness because the high seats put you that much closer to the Bronze-Age Sky God that rules the Earth.

Easy Questions:

Reg -

Colour of eyes: Lavender mist, picket-fence white and lamp-black. Height: Smaller than I look on TV but slightly taller than a dwarf.
Likes: Medieval church music, book learning, liars and cheats.
Dislikes: Classical music, boats and electrodes to the testicles

Pete -

Colour of eyes: Green with envy. Height: Four inches shorter than Reg.
Likes: Going to church, reciting poetry in the toilet because it has good natural reverb, and hedgehogs.
Dislikes: Gravel-rash and stomachaches.